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Where to start? There are bad movies, there are inept movies and then there are movies like this.
This is a truly horrendous TV movie starring the really embarrassed Lee Majors, Beverly Johnson, Adrian Paul and Vanessa Angel. A group of models (including Angel and Johnson), their photographer (Paul), the sleazoid magazine owner (Majors), his sidekick, the art director and a perverted janitor are on a tiny remote island shooting swimsuit pictures.
Anyway after a nasty dream sequence, a lot of expositionary dialogue, a hell of a lot of travelling footage and lots of slow-motion scenes of the models bounding around in the surf, the 'action' finally begins.
A model drives her Jet Ski into some rocks causing a really pathetic explosion while all the untalented actors try to look sad. Later another model jumps off a cliff. Then comes the classic 'cast suspicion on the perverted janitor' scene. Then Majors manages to persuade everyone to stay and keep taking pictures of scantily clad models even as the cast list continues to be trimmed.
Paul doesn't even try to act. Johnson (a real-life model) looks ashamed to even be in this film, Angel (best known for loosing the role of Xena: Warrior Princess after catching the flu) displays no talent whatsoever.
Based on the evidence in this film the knowledge that Lee Majors was once a major TV star is about as unnerving as one of your male college lecturers demonstrating his uncannily accurate Brittany Spears impression in front of the entire class.
The radio gets smashed, another model blows up, another model falls into a lagoon, Majors acts sleazily, the photographer blows up, the boat is destroyed, the janitor vanishes and finally there are only 4, no 3, no 2 people left. Even 'Baywatch' wouldn't use this plot. It's too bad, even for them.
This film has what has to be the most stupid, illogical, pathetic, implausible and impossible twist endings ever. In fact don't even call it a twist call it desperation as the writers obviously had no idea how to end this piece of trash.
P-Con VI March 27th/28th/29th 2009
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