What If #1: Jake Green Never Came Back To Jericho?
Jericho Fiction
by
Lucy Shelly
(AU up to 'Reconstruction')
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(AU up to 'Reconstruction')
Colonel Hoffman's troops dragged, none too gently, Dale and Skylar out of the market. The teenagers were dropped on the group and given a good kicking. Various Jericho residents, Jennings and Rall workers and soldiers watched. Gail Green walked up.
"What are you doing? This is Jericho!" She screamed.
Colonel Hoffman emerged from the store carrying a armful of meat wrapped in paper. "Do you know what this is?"
"Horsemeat." Gail held her chin up.
"Sorry Mrs Green, but this is your husband. I understand he died of a cold shortly after the bombs?" Hoffman replied.
Gail screamed then she shoved an 18 year old Private out of the way with surprising force. She advanced on Dale and Skylar and started kicking them furiously.
"No! No! No!" Hoffman said "Aim for the head! Save us some rope!"
Gail readjusted her aim.
Mary walked into their bedroom. Eric was sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth and moaning.
"Not again! Eric for the love of god will you get over it already!" She groaned in utter non-sympathy.
"Shut up! Those New Bern bastards made me dance around a pole! They never disinfected it between acts either. I'm unclean. Unclean. Unclean." Eric wailed.
"Nobody made you go to New Bern Eric." Mary sighed.
"I had to, I was run out of town after April and the baby died. My mom didn't love me anymore." Eric wailed.
"I think she stopped loving you before that, when you got lost trying to find Rogue River and your father drowned in his own snot." Mary snapped.
Eric glared at her "I hate you so much you homewrecking floozy."
"Shave your damn beard Eric, you look like the Unabomber."
"Is this how Jake felt? Lord I was a crap brother to him. I'm so sorry man!"
"Did the ointment work yet?"
"Yes. Let's have hate sex."
"Okay."
Jonah waved the off duty soldiers and Jennings and Rall personal closer.
"Okay, you've all paid up. Now for the show you've all heard about. Ladies, it's time!"
Jonah hit the click wheel on an Ipod and 'Toxic' by Britney Spears played.
The solider and J&R workers cheered. They cheered even louder when Heather and Emily emerged from the tent wearing bikinis that were two sizes too small for them.
"A crate of moonshine on the blonde!"
"A Desert Eagle on the fat one!"
"Hey!" Heather cried.
"No talking Heather, into the mud now ladies." Jonah sleazed.
"Daddy! Please!" Emily wailed.
"Who fed you? Kept you safe from New Bern? Kept you in tatty hair extensions, tampons and condoms?"
"You did Daddy," Emily sighed.
"Let's get it on!" Roger yelled and shoved Emily and Heather into the mud hole.
The crowd leaned forward as Emily and Heather failed about in the mud and once they found their footing, they began attacking each other.
"Oh yeah!"
"Rip her top off!"
"Make out! Make out!"
"Now good folks, you know the hot lesbian action stuff is extra." Roger grinned.
"Roger!" Emily screamed.
"I walked from Nevada for you!" Roger replied.
"Sorry." Emily wept.
Heather jumped Emily and ground her face into the mud.
"I'll give you a carton of cigarettes for a night with your wife!" A J&R employee yelled at Roger. They shook on it. Emily couldn't see this as Heather was sitting on her and ripping her bikini off.
"That's my little girl." Jonah said "Okay boys, this weekend we're doing a dog and pony show at Black Jack. You know the rules: BYOD. Bring Your Own Dog. See you there!"
Meanwhile back in Cheyenne.
Major Beck rolled over in bed. "I was due some leave, otherwise we wouldn't be having this time together. Can you imagine? Anyway Hoffman is the one having to sort out that hick town. I think it's called Jericho. You ever heard of it?"
"No." Jake Green replied.
P-Con VI March 27th/28th/29th 2009
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