Six Questions That Were Never Asked
LOST Fiction
By
Lucy Shelley
(After 'Cabin Fever')
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(After 'Cabin Fever')
1. Ben
Ben deactivated the sonic weapon fence and strode confidently into the jungle. Horace and co were idiots, they were so concerned about the Hostiles getting in that never worried about a Dharma member trying to get out. Ben walked through the jungle, the lack of bird or animal noise never failed to unnerve him.
"Richard?" He called turning and looking about. When he looked in front of him Richard was there.
"You have to teach me that trick." Ben commented, ever since he was a child Richard's appearing and disappearing act had fascinated him.
"Very soon." Richard smiled.
"Here is tomorrow's code for the fence." Ben said taking a slip of paper out of the pocket of his hated Dharma workman uniform. He handed it to Richard. "Tomorrow is my birthday, I've waited a long time for this."
Richard smile grew wider "Tomorrow, they'll all be dead and you'll be one of us."
"Before you go, I do have one question. We've known each other for years Richard and I've changed and you haven't" Ben asked "So I'd like to know what sort of moisturiser do you use?"
Richard smiled again, then Ben blinked and Richard was gone.
"Oh come on!" Ben yelled.
2. Alex
Alex ran into her house, pigtails flying and the remains of an Apollo chocolate bar smeared over her face. Daddy was sitting at his desk pointing at some papers and making the angry face. Richard, Daddy's bestest friend ever, was standing beside him. Alex sighed. Richard was so nice, he'd got her seven cool dollies called Barbies and he's told Karl to play with her. She liked Richard.
"Alex, you're home. Do wash your face." Daddy said.
"Sure Daddy." Alex groaned "Daddy why were you and Uncle Richard jumping on the bed last night?"
Daddy's face went bright red.
Uncle Richard smiled.
"Go to your room or I'll send you to The Room!" Daddy yelled.
Alex ran to her room and hid under the blankets in terror. Daddy and Uncle Richard jumped on the sofa that night.
3. Kate
Jack was sitting under a palm tree brooding. Kate admired the view, she noted that despite all his brooding he still found the time to rip the sleeves off his shirts to show off his biceps and tattoos.
She sat down next to him.
"Kate." He said in a friendly tone of voice.
Kate smiled, he wasn't in one of his vile pissy moods for once.
"Jack, I'd like to ask you something. Why doesn't your hair grow?"
4. Juliet
Juliet looked at the sea of unfriendly faces around her. She'd known the Oceanic 815 people would be unwelcoming but it didn't scare her. Kate walked up to her emoting 'menacing'.
"Welcome to our camp Juliet." Kate sneered.
"Why thank you Ms Austen, one question: what do you do for tampons here?" Juliet asked.
5. Rose
Rose stood on the beach glaring at the freighter hussy Charlotte. That woman made her slapping hand itch. The tide lapped at Rose's feet. That felt good. Then Rose saw something wash up a few feet away on the shore. She wandered up to have a look.
Slightly deteriorated, pecked over by gulls and smelly but she knew that haircut anywhere. Charlie Pace or what was left of him had returned to the island. Bernard wandered up to her.
"Holy Jesus Christ!" Bernard screamed at the sight of the former member of SuckShaft. "Are you going to do something about that?"
6. Locke
Locke stood in the darkness of Jacob's creepy magical cabin on wonderisle.
"Move the island." He repeated "Okay then, Okay just one more question before I go." Locke turned to look at Claire who smiled beatifically at him.
"Are you on drugs?"
P-Con VI March 27th/28th/29th 2009
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