V FOR VENDETTA 2.0
V for Vendetta Fiction
By
Lucy Shelley
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{V saves Evey from perv Fingermen}
Evey: Where did you get all those knives in this country that has so curtailed our rights and liberties we no longer remember what rights and liberties are?
V: Vaal! Vaasa vac vacancy vacant vacate vacillate vacua vacuole vacuous vacuum vade-mecum vagabond! Vagal vagi vague vagus vail vain vainglory! Excuse me I need to pause for breath. Okay, valance, vale, VALEDICTION! Excuse me? Oh the knives, I like pointy, throwy things.
Evey: So are you a crazy person.
V: You are looking at me right?
Evey: That's a very nice hat. The cape is a bit much. Are you gay?
V: What did Finch tell you?!?
Evey: Pardon?
V: Would you like, dear maiden, to watch me work?
Evey: Sure, I like your hat.
{V and Evey stand on a rooftop overlooking the Old Bailey, whatever happened to the New Bailey anyway?}
V: I am deeply insane.
Evey: Can I try your hat on?
V: Where did the London Eye go?
V waves his arms about wildly somehow causing the 1812 Overture to play.
Evey: Is that music?
Various downtrodden citizen types: The speaker voice isn't telling us what to do! Let us mill around aimlessly as we have no-one directing our thought processes.
Old Bailey explodes.
V: Told you! I am a crazy person.
V does a crazy person jig of joy.
Evey: What was that building again?
Various downtrodden citizen types: Ooohhh sparkly!
{High Chancellor Sutler is on a plasma screen tv ranting at his minions/cabinet}
Sutler: I (dramatic arm wave) am very very (angry spittle flies) annoyed! I (lip curl) demand a swift, painful (nasal flare) response!
Creedy: We'll kill anyone we think did it.
Some other minion: Don't look at me, I'm just here to fill up a spare chair.
Sutler: Chief Inspector Finch! Find out who did this!
Finch: Yes High Chancellor, for despite my obvious misgivings with you and your policies. I have somehow worked my way up the ranks to in be the inner circle.
{BTN broadcasts}
Lewis Prothero: ENGLAND PREVAILS!
{Finch's office, dressed by Dell}
Finch makes a sad basset hound face.
Dominic: You're so unhappy you never bought an iron?
Finch makes another sad basset hound face.
Dominic: Evey Hammond, brother dead, parents dead, works at BTN!
Finch: To BTN!
Dominic: Have you ever had sex Sir? Would you like to?
Finch: Not now Dominic.
{BTN tower}
Security Guard watches state propaganda on tv.
Security Guard: I miss Dr Who.
Random Passer-by: What did you say?
Security Guard: Nothing!
{Elsewhere in BTN tower}
Evey: Hi Gordon, sorry I missed you last night but Fingermen were about and I didn't want to find out just why they're called Fingermen.
Gordon: Perfectly understandable.
Evey walks down corridor, sees Finch and Dominic.
Evey: Oh dear!
Finch: Arrest that child-woman!
V arrives at BTN somehow having evaded notice.
Security Guard: Eeeeeekkkkkk!
Finch: Bollocks!
V scares the BTN staff into broadcastings his DVD.
Various England types watch this on tv.
V on DVD: People our country is a fascistic state run by insane people. You must rise up with me or else! In one year I'll blow up parliament, be there or be square.
Young girl: Cool!
Hard man in pub: Engerland!
Old fart in Old Folk's home: These youngsters today!
Finch makes yet another sad basset hound face.
BTN Tower is in chaos. V makes a dramatic escape with Evey.
Finch: Bollocks.
{Finch's office, dressed by Dell}
Finch and Dominic watch footage of V and Evey.
Dominic: I feel oddly turned on by this.
Finch: I must find this V or Creedy will be angry with me.
{BTN news broadcast}
Female newswoman: V is dead. Heil Sutler!
{The Shadow Gallery}
Evey staggers around looking at the stacks of books, art and the jukebox playing Patsy Cline.
Evey: What the f?
V: Vain vair vale valence valency valentine valerian valet valgus valhalla valiant valid validate! Welcome to my lair of stuff I stole from the museum of objectionable material.
Evey: Pretty and shiny!
V: You're going to live with me for a year.
Evey: You are a crazy person!
V strokes his jukebox.
Night passes.
Evey stomps into the kitchen and sees V in his fetish vigilante outfit wearing a flowery apron cooking her breakfast.
Evey: Excuse me I need to change my underwear! I'm in love!
V: I stole Sutler's secret food stash just for you!
Evey: There goes my fresh pair of underwear.
V gives Evey her breakfast, she eats it and promptly food-gasmas.
Evey: Yet another pair done for.
Evey her mouth full of toast and egg sees V's horribly scarred hands.
Evey: WTF? How do you throw knives with those things? Excuse me, WTF happened to you?
V: What was done to me was monstrous.But nothing worth mentioning at this point in the narrative.
Evey: I love you.
{Lewis Prothero's bathroom. It is not explained why a staunch Englishman has such an American contraption as a shower instead of a good English bathtub}
Lewis strips off showing off his fat, pasty belly. His plasma screen tv is on playing his show. Lewis watches it while in the shower. We won't guess as to what he's doing with his hands right now.
Lewis: England prevails! Must shovel more prescription drugs down gullet!
V: Hello commander!
Lewis slips, lands on his fat backside and stares at V.
Lewis: You!
V: Me!
V produces a huge syringe.
V: Prepare to die.
Lewis: Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.
{Lewis Prothero's bathroom, the next day}
Lewis lies dead in a puddle of foam and chunky vomit. A red rose is visible on his fat pasty belly.
Dominic: Evey Hammond's ID was used to enter. Did she have something to do with this?
Finch: What is with the rose?
Finch makes sad basset hound face number 4.
Dominic: About that sex Sir.
Finch: NOT NOW!
{The Shadow Gallery}
V and Evey watch BTN.
Female newsreader: Lewis Prothero is dead. We miss him.
Evey: Did you do this?!?! Did you kill that man?!?!??!?!
V: Yes.
Evey: Not the reaction I wanted. Are you going to kill more people?
V: Yes.
{Finch's office, dressed by Dell}
Dominic: Seeing as you are such a big shot in Sutler's cabinet how come you only have me as an assistant?
Finch: Shut up. Prothero was a commander at Larkhill base, this has something to do with V!
Dominic reads Prothero's file over Finch's shoulder: Sudan, Iraq, Iran, Syria. I don't know what that means.
{The Shadow Gallery}
Evey: V, I want to help you in any way especially if it involves going outside.
V: Sure.
{Bishop's bedroom}
Perv Bishop: Oh my.
Evey is dressed up like Britney Spears. It is never explained how or why V has such a large collection of women's clothing.
Evey: V is coming to kill you!
Perv Bishop: I like this game, now take your drawers off.
V smashes through window. Evey runs away screaming.
V: Evey!
V kills perv Bishop.
V: Bugger.
Evey runs through the streets of London, somehow escaping notice despite the fact she dressed like a £2 whore.
Evey bangs on Gordon's door.
Gordon: WTF!
Evey: Help me!
Gordon: Get inside before the neighbours see you, then again this could only send me up in their estimation.
Evey runs into Gordon's house.
{Perv Bishop's bedroom, later}
Perv Bishop lies dead in a pool of foam and chunky vomit. A red rose is on his corpse.
Finch: Bollocks. The tax records of Larkhill proved perv Bishop and Prothero knew each other but we found out too late. Drat!
Dominic: Are those peas?
Creedy and his Fingermen swarm in.
Creedy: Chief Inspector.
Finch: Creedy.
Creedy stares at Finch in an unfriendly yet decidedly homoerotic way.
Creedy: People are being murdered, why haven't you found V yet? I should warn you that your loyalties are suspect. Should you snoop around Larkhill or fail to arrest V then you're mine Finch. Oh yes you are, you thick son of a paddy!
Finch: I've been a party member for 27 years!
Creedy: Paddy!
Finch makes an angry face.
{Gordon's house}
Gordon shows Evey his secret room o'stuff.
Evey: Are you V?
Gordon: I'm fatter than Prothero was!
Evey: Good point. Look at the pretty book and the sparkly art and the OMG gay boi porn!
Gordon: Yes, anyone ever finds this stuff, I'm deader than liberty.
Evey: What's that?
{Finch's office, dressed by Dell}
Finch: So the only person connected to Larkhill who V hasn't killed is a female doctor named Stanton.
Dominic: Dr Stanton changed her name to Dr Surridge.
Finch: Not much of a way to hide, wait you mean the female coroner who was making goo-goo eyes at me not five minutes ago?
Dominic: Yes.
Finch: BOLLOCKS.
(Dr Surridge's house}
She wakes up and sees V.
V: I killed you 10 minutes ago as you slept.
Surridge: About bloody time!
V: Huh?
Surridge: I'm sorry about the torture and the experiments and the driving you mad and the false imprisonment and the fire that burnt your skin off and the..(she dies)
V: About bloody time.
{Sutler is on his plasma screen glaring at Finch who is holding Dr Surridge's diary}
Sutler: Finch (dramatic nasal flair) due to the sensitive nature of this (eye bulge) conversation we're alone together. Now (spittle flies) spill.
Finch: V killed her and left out her diary which reveals her participation in biological warfare experiments and how V may be a Larkhill inmate who was in room 5. Okay he was burned over 100% of his body and had no eyes, but became V and is conducting an elaborate plan of revenge.
Sutler: It's a forgery!
Finch: What?
Sutler: It is a forgery (extreme nasal flare), the product of a demented menopausal mind! You tell anyone about this ever (extreme spittle) and you're a dead man (curled lip) paddy!
Finch makes sad basset hound face number 5.
{Gordon's house}
Gordon: Look at the show I made today.
Evey and Gordon watch tv where Gordon's show is playing. Gordon mocks the High Chancellor, the studio audience applaud because soldiers are pointing guns at them and various people run around to Benny Hill music.
Gordon: I'd get a BAFTA for that if they weren't banned.
Evey: You're a dead man!
Gordon: I'm famous!
Evey: Dead and stupid.
Creedy and his Fingermen show up and beat up Gordon. Evey runs away but is grabbed by a soldier.
{Holding cell}
Interrogator: Give up V or you'll regret it.
Evey wails in terror.
Montage of bad things that happen to Evey: head shaving, interrogation, bad food, cold cell, rats, oh and lots of torture.
Evey finds some paper in a hole in the wall.
Evey reads words on paper:
Voice-over: I'm Valerie, I'm writing this on toilet paper so you can probably guess what I'm writing it with. This is my tale.
Evey reads Valerie's tale of rejection, death and a lost love named Ruth. It gives her strenght.
Interrogator: Give us V or die.
Evey: No.
Interrogator: We'll shoot you behind the chemical toilets!
Evey: So?
Interrogator: You're free!
Evey: Whaaaa?
Evey staggers out of her cell and into The Shadow Gallery.
V: Evey I did it because I love you!
Evey: You're sick! A sick monster! You tortured me for weeks and you CUT MY HAIR OFF!
V: I love you, I did it to make you strong!
Evey: MY HAIR!
V: Let's go up on the roof.
Evey stands on the roof in the rain and is reborn.
V: So you love me now?
Evey: I'm leaving and I'm sure my convict haircut won't attract any attention at all in my fascistic state homeland. And that letter was a fake you cruel evil sick monster of a hair cutter!
V: She was real!
V shows Evey his shrine to Valerie.
Evey: Are you Ruth?
V: What? No, so you love me right?
Evey stomps off.
{Monument to St Mary's}
Finch: We're meeting a man here who has info on all of this.
Dominic: How do you know this isn't all an elaborate setup by Creedy or V to kill us?
Homeless man on bench who is really V in disguise: I am man you are looking for. Look: Sutler created a plague to cause fear, became dictator for life in this fascist state, fear is the ultimate tool of this government. I'm wandering off now. For although you are a member of Sutler's inner circle, I have no interest n killing you.
Finch: V?
Homeless man on bench who is really V in disguise: Bugger.
V runs off.
{Finch's office, dressed by Dell}
Finch kicks a chair across the room.
Finch: I'm going to get him!
{Creedy's greenhouse}
V: Hello Mr Creedy.
Creedy: Help!
V: Let's make a deal.
{Finch's office, dressed by Dell)
Finch: So I went out to Larkhill.
Dominic: And nobody noticed this? As a member of Sutler's inner circle surely you are under surveillance?
Finch: Anyway I had this vision.
Dominic: Did you do drugs?
Finch: A vision of events that have been and events that will be!
Dominic: And you didn't offer me any.
Finch: It was a drug free vision. Anyway something bad is going to happen, soon, maybe right now. Okay Dominic, this is when you vanish from the movie.
{Some street}
A Fingerman shoots a young girl wearing a V costume.
Her irate family and neighbours armed with shovels surround the Fingerman.
Fingerman waves his badge.
And he gets shovelled by the mob.
Random person: Shouldn't someone maybe check and see if she's dead or not?
{The Shadow Gallery}
V sets up an extremely elaborate set of dominoes.
V knocks one over and they fall down in an elaborate pattern.
Evey: V?
V: Yep?
Evey: Did you mail every citizen a V costume and mask? How did you afford that? And who made them anyway? And where did you get those dominos?
V: Valeta valetundinarian valetudinary valgus valine valise vallecula valley vallum valona valonia valor valse valuer valuta vambrace vanadium!
Evey: I love you!
V: The torture worked! Dance with me!
V and Evey dance.
{Underground}
V: I spent 10 years clearing the tracks to parliament so I could blow it up!
Evey: You ever think of applying this focused mindset to getting treatment for 100% burns?
V: You must pull the lever to send that train to parliament to blow it up!
I'm putting this choice on your head because I love you which I demonstrated by torturing you mercilessly for weeks or was it months?
V walks off.
Evey: V? V? V? V?
Evey runs after him and gives his mask a bit wet kiss.
Evey: I don't know your name or what you look like or if you're even a man. you could be dead Valerie's lover Ruth for all I know. But V, I love you! Let's run off somewhere and have babies!
V runs off.
{Somewhere else Underground}
V meets Creedy and his Fingermen who've got Sutler tied up and on his knees.
V: Hello Mr Sutler. I've waited almost 20 years for this day.
Sutler cries like a baby.
Creedy shoots Sutler, then he and his men prepare to shoot V.
Creedy: All you've got is knife-fu! Bollocks! We've got guns! Lots of guns and lots of bullets too!
V: Well you better pray that your reloading skills are faster than my knife-fu!
Creedy and co shoot V several hundred times.
V: My turn!
V kills Creedy's men in slow motion as buckets of blood flies. Also in slow motion.
Creedy: Bollocks!
V: Ideas are bullet-proof even if I am not.
V breaks Creedy's neck and staggers off bleeding.
{Underground}
Evey: You're bleeding!
V: Really I hadn't noticed.
V falls down.
Evey: I love you!
V dies.
Evey: Well, sh#t.
{Parliament}
Hundreds of thousands of people show up in V costumes and masks and hats.
Army: Screw this.
Army stands down.
Army of V's march on by,
{Underground}
Evey has somehow dragged V's corpse into the train and arranged it under a blanket of red roses she somehow got her hands on.
Finch shows up having somehow found his way into V's secret HQ.
Finch: Hands off that lever!
Evey: No.
Evey pulls lever, Finch lowers his gun, train heads off.
Evey: Do you like music?
Finch: What'll you do to me if I say yes?
Evey tells him.
Finch: Yes! I LOVE music.
{Rooftop overlooking parliament}
Big Ben goes boom.
Army of V's unmask in symbolic moment.
Finch: Who was he?
Evey: My father.
Finch: WHAT?!?!?!
Evey: And my mother and my brother and Edmund Dantes and Valerie and Gordon and maybe Ruth and Arwen's father and Agent Smith. He was V and I loved him even if he never let me wear his hat.
Finch: Now what?
P-Con VI March 27th/28th/29th 2009
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